Too High to Get Over, Too Low To Get Under

Archive for the category “Sports”

Shikagoland Is Not Here for Your Ryan Lochte Hate, Jezebel

So. This was re-tweeted into my Twitter timeline this afternoon.

A writer for the website Jezebel (if you think I’m linking to them, you’re a moron) has taken to the internet to solicit stories from women who have taken a ride on the Lochte One-and-Done (yes thats mine. I’m totes brilliant) and are willing to tell a random website all about it.

My initial reaction looked pretty much like this

Then I took to twitter

And now here we are.

Last week the obvious ploy for page hits topic du jour on all kinds of sites was the supposed douchebaggery of Ryan Lochte. Most of these stories (including one on Jezebel which titled him “America’s Sexiest Douchebag”) touched on his living arrangements (he’s 28 and lives with roommates! No mention that one of them is his brother), his clothing style (tacky? Maybe. Doesn’t make him evil), his blinged out grill (Lochte has been wearing grills in public at LEAST since Beijing so it amuses me that this is such a huge issue now), his favorite phrase (“jeah” for the uninitiated), his love of hip-hop music, and that he likes to draw.

Last week Ryan Lochte’s mother gave an interview where she stated that her son doesn’t have time for relationships and that he goes out on “one night stands”. Most of us saw that and either thought “oh, moms” or “where do I sign up?” But in certain circles this proved once and for all that Ryan Lochte is a frat boy douche, surely leaving a trail of tears and condom wrappers wherever he lay his grill. Ryan recently attempted to clarify his mother’s statements, basically saying “oh moms”  and that he doesn’t engage in one-night stands.

Look, I don’t know Ryan Lochte. I will never know Ryan Lochte (yes, I occasionally grip my pillow at night and cry bitterly over this fact). S0 frankly its none of my business who he bangs and with what frequency. What I do know is that an Olympic athlete with big corporate sponsors isn’t going to walk around saying “Why yes, I do fuck ALL the bitches. Why do you ask?” and thats fine with me. But not so with the folks at Jezebel who appear to be OUTRAGED because not only are they SURE that Ryan has one night stands, but clearly he owes it to us to air out his dirty laundry.

In the weeks leading up to the Olympics several news sites dug up that “been there, done that” story about how much the Olympic athletes get it on in the Olympic Village. The Jezebel post specifically quoted Hope Solo who talked about the partying and sexing in detail. This story was framed as a “well DUH” commentary on what would happen when a bunch of young, fit, beautiful people are placed in close quarters and given a chance to run wild for the first time in years.

In the same ESPN Magazine article that Jezebel pulled from, Ryan Lochte spoke about how he had a girlfriend during the Beijing games so he didn’t participate in the Sexcathalon, but that he was single this time and planned to medal. Jezebel takes issue with the fact that he said it was a “big mistake” to have a girlfriend at the time. Is it the most…tactful thing to say? No. But an article about people fucking indiscriminately isn’t exactly tactful to begin with so…

In conclusion: slut shaming is bad. Whether it comes from a “douchebag” or a “feminist” blog.

How could you hate him?

The Shikagoland Olympics

So, as if you couldn’t tell, I’m completely consumed by the Olympics these days. While I love the Winter Games more, the Summer games have pools. Which means hot swimmers and divers. So I’m here for it.

Of course, with an event of this scale, not all the action is happening on the field/pool/mat/etc. There are stories and moments that won’t receive the proper attention (or derision) they deserve.

This cannot be.

So with that in mind I bring you….


*cue theme music*

Ooops. My mistake.


The Bronze Medal for…receiving a crappy Bronze medal goes to….! Apparently the bronze medals are made so cheaply that his has already broken (in the shower no less) and he is appealing to receive a replacement. Hey Felipe? If they don’t replace it, just tell the ladies you broke it with your bare hands. Up top!


The Platinum Medal in Best Unintentional Use of A Onscreen Graphic goes to…NBC!

This is about the ONLY thing I’ll give them credit for.

The Tin Foil Medal in Being Kinda Creepy goes to American Gymnast Denell Leyva Next time bro? Spend your time taking pictures of people not Tanning it on the pommel horse.

(verb): the act of messing up in a big way; failure; the name of a supposed curse spawned by gymnast Kevin Tan, whose failure was so massive it has allegedly begun to plague other athletes during the Olympic Games in Beijing 2008.

The Melted Gum on the Sidewalk Medal in Total Absolute FAIL goes to NBC for spoiling an event right before airing it. Last night, American swimmer Missy Franklin won gold in the 100m backstroke. While this competition took place in the afternoon here in the states, NBC true to FailForm declined to air the event until prime time. There has been TONS of hand wringing all over the media in recent days about the tape delay drama. Honestly? I can see both sides. But a clear indicator that NBC has no idea HOW to handle a tape delayed event was when they aired a Today show promo touting Missy’s appearance with her gold medal…about 30 seconds before the actual race aired. Nice one, guys.

Also. Missy is 17. Someone born in 1995 is winning Olympic medals. Let that make you feel as old as is applicable.

The Diamond Encrusted with a Sweet Caramel Center Medal for being the most “into it” dignitary in the stands goes to…FLAWLESS FLOTUS Michelle Obama.

I know. I wish she was my mom too.

The Tears Trapped in a Glass Case of Emotion Medal in breaking the hearts of fans everywhere goes to Kristi Yamaguchi. Kristi. I believed in you. I need a moment….*sobs*

While I compose myself:

Marry me. Please. You absolutely ridiculous person.

And now, today’s final award.

The Big Brass Ones medal in ” goes to . Yesterday during her event a timer error resulted in her losing her shot at the gold medal. The logistics are a bit murky but what I do know is that (as per the rules of the appeal) Shin sat on the piste for nearly an hour, her absolute misery on display for the entire world (via the extremely douchey NBC camera people who insisted on zooming in on her grief stricken face whenever they felt like it) when a lot of people might have just run away to save face. Eventually she lost her appeal and was forced to compete in the Bronze medal round when she was clearly in no shape to compete. I hope that one of her countrymen (or hell, someone else’s countrymen) were there to offer a shoulder (or other parts…no judgement) to cry on. I think she’s a BOSS.


I Don’t Usually Like to Get Political But…

This blog is Ryan Lochte biased. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. #JEAH


*a proper post to come later. Maybe. I’m watching the Olympics.

Shikagoland Reads the Headlines: Olympics Edition

Back before I had this blog (that I barely have time to update) I had a LiveJournal (that I barely had time to update). However, in 2010 something changed all that: THE WINTER OLYMPICS.

Suddenly I couldn’t update enough. I felt compelled to get up every morning (or sometimes stay up very late) to get my random giggly thoughts about the Olympics out of my brain so that my ten LJ friends people could read them.

Lets cross our fingers that the Summer Olympics inspire the same fervor. Leggo.

Well thats just RUDE

However, I mean. I’d be thinner if I was faced with the option of eating British food every day or starving… OH YES I DID.

– While it appears that the gorgeous “Birds Nest” gets some use, this slideshow proves that most Olympic venues have not only fallen out of use, but into disrepair. When I was flipping through this last night all I could think was what if some guy who rowed in the Olympics wanted to bring his family to the spot where he claimed Olympic glory? I’m pretty sure would taint the memory a little. Bummer.

– I was ready to be all snarky about this (as if her clothing is more important that her being a bad ass Olympic athlete) but…I can’t because I understand her problem all too well. And every woman deserves the right to look kick ass while kicking ass.

Random Olympics gif time!

IDK. I mean I’m not sure exactly how to feel about some big blobby mutated Teletubby looking thing . But London I’m happy for you an imma let you finish but Atlanta had the worst

– Possibly Unpopular Opinion time: the government doesn’t fund Olympic athletes. During the 2010 Winter Games I became extremely attached to our speed skaters. As a result I’ve learned a lot about the financial stresses on most of these athletes just to be able to compete on behalf of a country that forgets they exist except during one month every four years. You know those heart warming commercials about Home Depot hiring so many athletes? They aren’t working their for fun. So. These government officials can just piss off with all their hand wringing and rage over the Olympic uniforms being made in China. How about they DO THEIR JOBS and promote growth in the manufacturing sector IN AMERICA.

And now, for my favorite story that comes around every time the Olympics are being held: – This reminds me of my pledge during the winter Olympics to take up curling so that I’d have an excuse to hang out and…um…compete…in Sochi. I need to get on that.

You can keep your track stars and divers. Winter Olympians do it better.

Shikagoland Reads the Headlines

Its gorgeous and sunny outside and I’m stuck inside.

Lets do this.

. – Water is wet. Bears shit in the woods. And apparently use toilet paper. I think the most maddening thing about Rush’s little rant to me is his insistence that birth control is something you take based on how much sex you have. Like…whew, this is gonna be a big weekend! I better hydrate and double up on my birth control pills! Its not…VIAGRA or anything.

they simulate what it might look like if/when the Cubs finally win the World Series, complete with a Weiner Circle celebration and absolute madness on Clark St. Thoughts? – My thoughts? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


: I currently have an IKEA couch in my apartment that I have shoved against a wall because I lost the screw that was supposed to anchor the arm of the couch INSIDE SAID ARM. So. I think I’ll pass.

: now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go check to hopefully discover a relative I was previously unaware of. Preferably one who just won $336 million dollars.

:Has this dude never heard of a book bag and the candy section at Walgreens? But this reminds me, I need to call my lawyer and get an update of my lawsuit against my friend for taking me to a free screening of Clash of The Titans. *shudders* Release the bullshit.

– Her father blames AMC. If snacks didn’t cost so much, his daughter wouldn’t have had to eat his desk toys.

Wow. I had no idea Newt Gingrich was that hard up for campaign money. (sidenote: this author does not condone children attempting to act as crime fighters. Its dangerous.)

But at least the girls got a new badge out of it!

Shikagoland Reads The Headlines

I’m too tired to really have any opinions, but because I love you people, I’ll try.

By all accounts, Jeremy Lin is having the best February ever. Or at least he was til ESPN decided to make racist headlines about him, Kim Kardashian set her sights on him, and then…well then there’s this:

Ma’am. Please tuck your thirst.

– I’m totally onboard with this. I mean why should anyone get into college because they fit some arbitrary category? Make everything level and have people get in on their merits! Oh wait…they aren’t talking about people who get into colleges because of legacies? Oh.

Its Packzi Day! – You know whats even more fun? Going to a bakery and buying them. I’m just saying. I went to a local bakery a picked up a delicious assortment…which I didn’t intend to do but they had a $10 minimum on credit card purchases. So. I ended up with chocolate custard, cheese, raspberry lemon, and plum. #fatgirlproblems

– But I’m not sure what the point is because if you’re not not caught up, they are spoilers and if you are caught up then its nothing new as all the trailers are made up of footage from previous seasons. And really, I didn’t need to ever see Joan and Roger screwing on the street ever again.

But I will take any opportunity to post this.

– Because my twitter feed blew up with the news last night, I felt compelled to listen to the  “Birthday Cake” remix. Please note that I had never heard the original but people seemed to like it a lot and I figured it might at least be something I could shake my butt to in the kitchen when no one was around (See also: ‘) but…wow. The song is pretty much crap. Which…well most of their songs are crap so I don’t know why I thought this would be different. Bygones.

– I would like to state for the record that I first saw these pictures while I was eating a raspberry lemon packzi. And then I cried tears made of a powdered sugar glaze. She may be talentless…and 98% biodegradable plastic…but her body is insane.

– Pearl clutchers the world ’round ask: who is watching the child of two incredibly wealthy people; nominate Angelina to adopt Blue Ivy for her own well-being. Next item on the agenda: Is that Beyonce’s real hair and will she let me touch it?

And finally:

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