Last week Paramount announced its decision to push back the release date of the hotly anticipated (by me) sequel to 2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. All the articles I read pointed to the studio being 1. Scared shitless by The Avengers 2. Wanting to convert to 3D to secure the overseas cash. The nerd uprising over this was surprisingly vocal, with a collective “THATS BULLSHIT” ringing out across social media land.
Today, several media outlets are speculating that the REAL reason for the delay is exactly what made this movie more appealing to so many: Channing Tatum’s character bites it early on. But apparently Channing is like, so hot right now (in full disclosure I saw the 21 Jump Street remake and enjoyed myself. But lets not get ahead of ourselves here) and instead of being content to let his fanbase run off to watch him bump and grind in Magic Mike, Paramount is donning its own g-string and doing something strange for that change by including more Channing in the movie. I’m not sure if this means re-shoots or just cutting in additional footage. But regardless, it unnecessary.
Why, you ask?
That’s right people. ~SPOILER ALERT~ Storm Shadow totally DIDN’T bite it in the first movie and he returns in the sequel. Who needs Channing Tatum when you have LEE BYUNG HUN!?!?!
I first clued into LBH when I watched the Korean drama Iris, in which my kpop beloved TOP (of Big Bang) also starred. While my love for TOP remained in tact during the episodes, even I must admit that I found myself all but purring at the screen whenever LBH is onscreen. He’s equally adept at comedy, bad assery, and sexin’ up tha ladies (even the North Korean who was supposed to kill him was powerless to his charms. NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THAT POWER).
But lest you think he is a generic pretty boy (*cough* Channing Tatum*cough*), I implore you to check out the film The Good, The Bad, and The Weird (never has a film’s title so perfectly matched up with its content).
This film is basically equivalent to a American “spaghetti western” (a guksu western if you will) set in China. Outside of that you’re on your own because…I’m still not clear exactly on what happened in this film, not because it was unclear but because…you just have to see it. But I was completely entertained. Also, I thoroughly enjoyed LBH’s swaggertastic character as he sauntered around, saying little, shooting many, and wearing guy liner.
Seriously, its on Netflix instant. Watch it. If only for the scene involving LBH, a knife, and a insect. Which happens to occur while he’s nearly naked (HELLO, LADIES!).
My point in all this is to say that Paramount is wasting a golden opportunity. Why piggy back on the coat tails of a sorta star when you can create a MEGA STAR!
Or, if you are intent on riding this Channing Tatum thing out then, let me pitch you a guaranteed money maker:
Lee Byung Hun stars as a recently widowed father who retires from the FBI and moves to the suburbs to bond with his young son and elderly mother. Hilarity and adorable family stuff ensues until tragedy strikes: a local women sees him cutting the lawn shirtless via Google Satellite and sends a picture to all the other townspeople. Lee Byung Hun is then suddenly in a race against time to save the town from a avalanche of panties.
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